The Interview - Part 1

A sudden dizziness seizes me...my throat dries up, the very last water molecules seem to mysteriously evaporate and precipitate on my forehead. My palms begin to salivate with nervous anxiety. There is sudden chill in the air and everything goes deadly silent, my ears straining for every possible decibel of approaching footsteps. Empty hallways amplify the very sound of my breathing...tick...tick...tick and the clock on the wall only accentuates my restlessness.

Suddenly I hear footsteps approaching...click clock...click clock...hear the heel turn...I hold my breadth...the time comes near...a door opens and closes and then silence. I find myself in a semi erect position...mythighs bearing the burden and I suddenly realize that no ones there...I take out my handkerchief and gently wipe the sweat off my brow. Silence!

I begin to notice the watch on my wrist from a different perspective. No longer is it the shiny chronograph that I picked up from the showroom. It now becomes the Guillotine...counting down the seconds to my doom. I notice a scratch on the surface of the glass and try my best of remove it. Not that it matters really but I just need something to keep me occupied.

The folder in my left hand is now damp with my sweat. I open it and flip through my resume for the hundredth time...slowly as I go through the certificates I begin to relive some of my memories...those carefree days of college days...where completing assignments on time was the primary responsibility...joking around with friends...endless discussions in the cafeteria...I shake my head trying to come to terms with the irony behind the whole situation.

Finally, after what seems like a lifetime I hear my name called out and I slowly proceed into THE CHAMBER. I enter into a room filled with people examining my resume (which I churned out last night after endless deliberations). Someone approaches me but I are barely able to register the name..Mr Something Something. Details, its all about the details...someone tells me. I simply nod my head in agreement like a little puppy dog. I choose my words very carefully, every word coming out of my mouth is examined with a stethoscope. At times, falling short of words I mumble some inaudible bullshit just to keep the conversation going. After the interviewers squeeze my soul like water from a damp cloth I thank everyone in the room ferociously - perhaps hoping that they at least give me some brownie points just for ass licking.

I return home exhausted, devoid of any human emotions with the feeling that my brains were sucked out  with a straw. I toss my folder into a corner and simply collapse onto the bed. A sleepless night awaits me. I go over and over the answers to the questions. What did I say??? Was it the alpha curve or beta curve...damn...I cant seem to remember. Shit I should have answered that question better. Why o why did I mention anything doing an MBA. They are going to fuck my case.

The next day in the office is a haze. I move around like a zombie in a trance...the strong cup of coffee no longer having its desired effect. Last night I took out all the amulets my mother gave me to sport them on my neck perhaps hoping for divine intervention. The very religion that I had scorned for so long now seems to be my only source of salvation. I find my way to the temple something that I have not done in a while to pray wholeheartedly for the job. Please Lord let this be the one...I...I promise to be good...I promise.

To be continued...

Autobiography of a Smoker.....

Beep...beep...beep...beep, that's my alarm clock trying desperately to wake me up at 6.30 in the morning so that I can reach the office on time. Instinctively I grope in a semi-conscious state for my pack of Classic Milds, those handpicked, honeydew filtered beautiful tobacco sticks that brings an instant relief to its patrons.

My trembling fingers finally manage to get hold of the pack...and slowly I withdraw a pleasure stick...I sense a euphoria similar to what King Arthur would have felt when he managed to pull out the Excalibur!!! Carefully taking in the scent, I place this नाज़ुक सी चीज़ at the corner of my mouth, retrieve my Zippo (another one of my prized possessions) and ignite this nicotine infused candle stick and take my first deep drag of the day. Such is the relief that spreads through my body that words fall short to explain it. I feel the flow of "organic juices" within my system begin to twirl, the world suddenly almost miraculously becomes clearer, I hear the chirping of birds out on my window and the need to enjoy this moment lying back on my bed increases exponentially. The worries, frustrations and anger of the previous day seem to melt away. 

I head out for the office and first stop the local tapri. Tapris are these fabulous money making institutions that we have here...essential requirements to setup a tapri include an ability to inhale a ton of secondary smoke everyday, good calculations skills (to handle those hot-shots with Rs. 1000 bills), nimble fingers to handle his precious ware and most important a willingness to work in the most unhygienic conditions known to man. Another breezy Classic Milds clubbed with a cup of pipping hot tea...make for a deadly combination. It is usually the above ritual that kick starts my day.


Turn the clock all the way to 3 pm. I feel a restlessness that can't be explained. I feel as if there is something I need to do...there is a longing, a longing so intense it consumes me...it consumes all rational thought and my resolve to cut my smoking are quite disdainfully chucked out the window...as an afterthought I guess this is what they call addiction!!! Come evening I begin to wonder ever so slightly when I happen to cough a couple of times, IS THIS GOOD FOR ME!!!

Ask any smoker to quit and the standard reply that you are assured to get is "I will quit from next week/next month" etc etc. The common variable in all these scenarios is the time when you will quit. I myself have cited reasons like "I am having a rather stressful day", "I hate my job", "dude definitely only till the Goa trip". Of course we do have ingenious fellow smokers who feel that they can kick the habit with stuff like nicotine gum. I have also had the pleasure of being exposed to certain treatments like "smoke Gudaang for a change you will leave this habit or smoke menthol cigs they are a big dampner...thats how I quit smoking". A word of advice anyone who has ever given you such advice that person has definitely not quit smoking. What I failed to realize in all the above that the only person suffering here is me. 


Ironically yesterday 31st May was celebrated as the World Anti-Tobacco day. We have a whole bunch of celebs and wannabes giving gyaan on why should we quit smoking. Come to think of it...I don't think anyone gives a fuck!!! We have our government making it mandatory for cigarettes manufacturers to paste a "hideous image" on cigarettes to deter smokers. An average smoker can barely make out what the X-ray of a damage lung shows. Only a doctor with a electron telescope will be able to diagnose the X-ray. And the same celebrities who endorse anti-tobacco drives vouch for their favorite cigarette manufacturers off screen. But I'll tell you who does give a shit...its your lungs buddy!!!

Anyone reading this article is bound to get a little confused here...am I pro or against cigarettes. I personally think that the answer was made clear to me the day I decided to take the stairs as opposed to the lift. I barely made it...huffing and puffing as though I just ran a marathon. Being an all rounder during school I assumed that my fitness levels would continue to eternity but it was not to be so. If you treat yourself like crap stuff is bound to go wrong.


If I look back at the reasons why I started smoking there isn't anything in particular that I could point to definitely. But one thing is for damn sure, I might end up looking like this.

Live life...try not to blow it up in smoke!!!

As for me I am kick starting my "trying to kick the butt" campaign. Taking things slowly at first and hopefully one day I will be able to climb those stairs without making it seem as though I just climbed Mt Everest.